my literature challenge!
I was just telling Hubs that quitting social media made all the blood flow to my brain --- It is potent stuff!
And I am now back to surfing the internet, like the millennial teenager that I was.
It feels like the internet + staying off social media provides me with the rabbit holes that are deeper and wider than the social media ones... the questions feel bigger and the answers are longer.
What questions, you ask?
It all started with musings on the personal curriculum trend, which I attempted late last year... It didn't really work out in the way that I wanted. I fell off the bandwagon - but maybe because the way that I'd structured the curriculum wasn't entirely satisfying to me?
Also, after I took a break from social media, I noticed an unresolved feeling kept coming back to me. I sat with it and realized that I felt deep regret in not following my heart in uni to become a lit major... y'know, I did my best to make the safest choice all these years, maybe in a bid to remain invisible, so that people would finally leave me aloneeeee. But I realized that I had harbouring anger and injustice for decisions made in the past. I also felt sad for the past self, put on mute for the sake of security. Perhaps there is merit in dishing out blame to my elders for not nurturing me in the way that I needed to be nurtured. But this is the blessing and the curse of growing up. We realize that they are all too human. Their responses are out of our control. All we can do is wake up and think about what we want to do today.
I suppose the aforementioned "questions" essentially boil down to this one question: what do i want?
gah.
I took some time to journal about it. I was tempted not to post about it and just go ahead and action it. But I thought it would be good to write it here. The act of writing crystallizes abstract notions. It helps to slow/stop the mental treadmill that I'm on.And it adds some accountability - if not to you (out there reading in the aether), then out of responsibility to myself as the guardian of my time and being on this mortal plane...
So... some reflections:
I was craving depth and something solid. I wanted to challenge myself to train my attention, in the hopes that my mind would be engaged and my spirit / intellect ignited.
I also had a 'eureka' moment recently, when I read this blog post by Meadow Mind, which referenced Bloom's Taxonomy. I realized that my obsession with information management/organization had to do with the fact that I wanted a way to apply what I was learning to my life. I was tired of hoarding information around me like a sleepy dragon. I felt like it was time to make something of that knowledge that I had collected over the years.
I stumbled upon a bear blog of someone in the UK (sorry i forget who!) who was also doing a degree at the open university in fine arts, and I was like - wait, people can do that?! So... I want to try and take back my time. Try and take back my life. To do the things that I wanted to do, that I feel like I was made to do.
One of the ways that I want to do this is to get me the education that I've always wanted, namely:
Something that excites me: I want to learn about different worlds, worlds that preceded this current world, in order to learn more about our current societies and selves. I want to read texts that I would not typically read so that I can learn about the actual world around me, a challenge for me, who is usually happy to live in the world that I construct in my head.
Something that is structured in nature: What I am referring to here is that I want to be able to explore certain topics in ways that make coherent and logical sense. Perhaps there is an argument to be made for setting my own path... But I'm no professor, and I am curious about how the "experts" would do it.
Something that forces me to Create: I'm taking this to mean being an active (vs passive) learner. Perhaps by way of close/active reading. As mentioned above, I would like to engage in a process of evaluation and maybe even create something to show for it, which would motivate me to process things that I'm learning and share it with... various audiences (this blog, my own personal diary, conversations with friends/strangers, to begin with).
Something with Community: While I have always been drawn to the idea of Personal Curriculums for the fact that we can plan these things on our own, I've realized that community makes a huge difference. The accountability that comes with showing up forces one to take responsibility for the intentions that were set. Also, I think there is something to be said for working on communication skills that come with conveying an idea to a group of people, whether in writing or via speech.
I willingly jumped feet first into the rabbit hole of options online... and came up with a surprising number of options. And I still feel that the rabbit hole is moving me places.
So far, these are the resources that have really excited me:
MIT Literature Challenge: I read about the MIT Philosophy Challenge as put forward by Meadow Mind. Refer to her version here. It's amazing that such resources are so readily available to all who are willing to learn. Of course, it's no direct substitute for actually attending an institution, but I'm looking forward to having something of a guided experience.
St John's College Reading List: This list fills me with awe and trepidation, but it does address my desire to read widely and systematically. I intend to read through the list and supplement this with (hopefully) live discussions via adhoc courses or book club discussions. Close readings would be great, but if I can't stomach it, then just a normal reading will be fine, haha.
My approach:
To address my need for structure, I'm going to attempt an mit literature challenge - namely, ten units per the sequence set out in the relevant course catalog. These units have the reading lists, assignments and essays available on MIT OpenCourseWare. I'll throw in a couple of Open Yale Courses that I'm keen on as well, since I'm at it.
It's not perfect but for the community element, I'm hoping to take courses from places like the Catherine Project, Memoria College, the Graham School or local book clubs to have a place to discuss the classics/great books with other people. I'll refer to the SJC reading list contemporaneously as a guide of what to read next / what courses I want to take. It may be some $$ spent here and there, but it's nothing like the thousands that I would rack up doing an actual degree.
Lastly, I'll do my best to create something - an essay or a reflection post that I share on this blog, an IG post (??), a video, or maybe I'll share something with friends at a powerpoint night - anything to get me to refine what I've been learning and to share it with those around me (whether near or far). I'll try to be creative about it.
I expect that this is going to take me more than a few years, but I'll just take it one step at a time, according to my financial/time constraints. I am kind of scared because I hate failing... But I guess, it's not a failure if I pick it back up again :) And... if I really do fail along the way... at least I got to read some books.
If you are doing something similar, I would love to hear. You can email me at thequarterlight AT gmail DOT com.
Until next time
N