confession (ha)
I think there's a part of me that feels like I failed at my summer literature plans... I didn't finish Confessions because Books 10-12 are... trippy. To be honest, I'm not sure that I will get back on this Augustine train for awhile... because it's quite the struggle lol.
Another thing that I have to "confess" is that I signed up for a course on Confessions, but I tapped out after a couple of weeks. I was really lost in there. I think many of the attendees have exposure to some kind of classical education, so their conversation was really... on another level, and I just felt like I didn't fit in + couldn't keep up. I felt disappointed in myself because I think there was a lot to learn, but... I couldn't find it in me to keep going.
So there's a degree of shame in that. But I'm trying to see what I can learn from this. It's interesting but I didn't really want to think about this for awhile.
Upon reflection, I realized this: I don't know if it was their intention, but I did not feel psychologically/creatively safe in that space - I didn't see people in that space that looked like me, talked like me or thought like me. I know that's not always the point, and that maybe being in a different environment can be helpful? But... it's stressful to be a minority. It's hard when people aren't acknowledging your presence and your thoughts. It's especially hard to share your viewpoints - it takes a kind of trust to do so, and I don't think I had it in me to continue.
So, I'm just going to note that and bear that in mind, and I'm probably not going to go back for another round.
With that said, I definitely had fun talking about Augustine in REAL life to a couple of friends. Even though they weren't reading Augustine, it was just a good thing to talk about reading in general, or about preconceived notions of Christianity that we grew up with (thanks Augie). So maybe that's a hint of what to try - maybe more intentional/deliberate conversations with friends.
I also want to say that I felt like I could trust Augustine. I don't think that Confessions read as foreign as I thought it would. I think he's just human, which is cool.
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